Sunday, September 17, 2006

All this talk of getting older is getting me down my love

It's a strange feeling to suddenly think of myself as an adult. I still feel like a child in so many ways. I look at people I work with as so much older, so much more mature when half of them are younger than i am. I still have silly conversations on the phone with my girlfriends about the men in our lives. I still have a myspace account. I still have drunken crazy pictures on my wall. I still feel like ice cream and melodramatic television shows make a great night. I have never held a romantic relationship for longer than 7 months. I still get great enjoyment out of stickers and puzzles. I still dance like an idiot around my room when the mood strikes me. Yet... somehow... somewhere... I got a grown up job, and more responsibility than i've ever had in my life.

I teach 10th grade. Over two days, I see 180 students for hour and a half blocks. I get up at 5:15/5:30 every morning, depending on the day I get home between 6 and 10:30 every night. I spend my weekends getting ready to teach the next week. I make a real salary. I have a real apartment and real bills. Somewhere along the way, I became an adult and I want to know when the fuck that happened?

"Life just keeps getting harder, and it just keeps getting harder to hide."