Every guy I've ever dated has hated my taste in music. There's just something about sensitive (read: whiny) emotional lyrical acoustic music that just never did it for any of them. Funny though when the time comes for the relationship to end and I am left with my thoughts I turn to this emotional lyrical acoustic music and listen to songs on a loop. I pick a theme and run with it.
Well here I am, left with my thoughts... I have a broken heart. It's so cliche, but so true.
"This is me on the eve of an ending/To what I've known's been constant for a year/And I'm so scared of this pain that I'll be sending/Sometimes I just want to run away in fear"
It's not just this break-up that has me torn up. I don't deal well with change. City Year was my life for two years, and now I am about to embark upon a career as a teacher. Seriously? What the fuck do I know about teaching? I am terrified. And... as uneloquent as this sounds... this whole relationship ending thing... isn't helping!
"No, I haven't heard your voice in two weeks now/And anticipation's been wearing me thin/And I just can't help but wonderin' baby if somehow/We could tear these pages out and begin again"
I would like to clarify something, with 2000 miles between us, I wasn't expecting any great romance to endure. It's the loss of my friend that hurts the most. It's the lack of contact... not a phone call, an email, a fucking text message. It's the loss of one of my best friends.
Whatever, all I know anymore is...
"I don't want to be lonely tonight."
Editor's note: The song in purple is "Lonely Tonight" by Matt Wertz
2 comments:
Change can be the best or worst thing in the world. Sometimes it's nice just to truck along on the same path, heading nowhere in particular for awhile. But we can't keep doing that, or we end up staying in the same place for the rest of our lives. And that's not really living. Of course, saying that doesn't really help at this moment.
On a more emotional level, I have a pretty good idea of how you feel right now. Everything about the situation sucks. You're changing careers and friends and the person you want to fall back on disappears. But having come out the other end of a similar situation no worse for the wear, I can PROMISE you that things will get better. You probably know that in your heart, but saying it again doesn't hurt. Things will get better! I bet things will be great!
As far as the boy goes, there is no reason to believe he isn't just as upset by the situation as you are. He's just keeping the stiff upper lip and probably finds it easier to have no contact at this point. It's impossible to know what he's thinking - though I'm sure you've run it through your head a million times. You need to do me a favor: stop trying to figure out his actions, don't in any way negate the past relationship because of the current situation, and never ever feel that the situation is in any way a relfection of you.
If you want to talk, bitch, cry, drink heavily, flirt with random men, see girly movies, indulge in a fancy dinner (or McDonalds), or do something completely random just to get your mind off things, give me a call. I'm always around!
Hugs! Kisses!
Never forget you're wonderful!
hey Ali. yes, i'm moving again. I told Nik and Katie before we moved in that I would only be here for the summer. Lou has been working in Rhode Island all summer at the boy scout camp but he comes back the end of August. I'm trying to find a 1br for the two of us :)
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