One of the perks of teaching is that I am in the middle of my winter break. Sure I've got papers to grade, lessons to plan, and books to read, but I was actually able to go home to Maryland and stay for almost five days. Today I got to spend the day in the city running errands, seeing movies, and shopping for 8 dollar boob accentuating tops.
Typically I don't go home to reconnect with people I once knew. A lot of people that I once knew don't always understand or like who I've become, and I get tired of trying to explain my new life and new paths. This visit home though was filled with people I once knew and a life long since left behind. Tuesday, I went out with my friend Kalenn, her husband of five years Kris, and their 11 month old baby Liesel. It was surreal. We sat in the booth at the diner discussing the DC metro area, Utah, Philadelphia and diversity while the baby cooed and gnawed on crackers and fruit. I've known Kalenn since we were 9 years old and taking piano lessons. We'd gone exploring in creeks together, passed notes in English class, danced in theater dressing rooms, and giggled evenings away. We never really realized how different our lives were. She grew up a strict mormon, and I a reform Jew with an atheist father.
At one point we drove to Rajvi's house. We had been a bad joke growing up: A mormon, a Jew, and a Hindu (walk into a bar... OW!) We ran to the side door, the same way we had when we were in elementary school with the same question dancing on our lips "Is Rajvi home??" She wasn't.
Later that day, we met up with Katie who had spent the day trying on wedding dresses. We all chatted about our respective lives and perspective futures.
Wednesday, I met up with Rajvi finally. It had been maybe five years since I'd last seen her. We talked about her boyfriend who was expected to be her fiancee in a few months. We talked about school. We reminiced about our childhood.
I learned something very profound in my tine with these ladies. In a lot of respects I have things complete under control. I have a good job doing what I love. I have a great apartment. I have my friends that I love. In a lot of other ways I am a beautiful wreck.
Day to day, I get a little sappy about my lack of love life. My mother tries to ask me about my most recent failed relationship and smooths things over with "well at least you were in love" type sentiments. The big thing I realized is that I never thought about being in love until this week. At 24, with so many people around me in serious committed relationships (in this entry I have not mentioned spending two days with a good friend in committed relationship of 2 years, my step-sister's boyfriend of 2 years spending christmas with my family, and my cousin's girlfriend of... 2 years... spending christmas with my family) I realize that I... I never really think about love in the long term. I mean if my ex hadn't run off to North Carolina I think we'd probably still be together, but I never planned for it. When I plan for the future I never think about anyone being there with me. I never think about marriage or kids or even "living in sin" with another person. I wonder what is wrong with me. I had friends in college who used to talk about their ideal weddings, and I could barely participate expcept to say that I like the outdoors and roses because they're my birth flower. My grandmother always told me not to get married until I had my life figured out. As my life slowly works its way into figured out, have I wasted too much time to get the love part figured out too?
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